The 21st century may only be 9 years old, but its already born witness to a lot of change in my life. Since the year 2000, my religion has changed (Catholic to none), my political party has changed (republican to none), my car has changed (Ford Explorer to none), my health insurance has changed (some to none), my level of self-respect has changed (very little to none), even my soft drink affiliation has changed (Coke to none….I mean Pepsi). One thing that hasn’t changed, however, is my football team’s drafting. The Chiefs started the new millenium drafting defensive lineman, and by god, they’ll finish the new millenium drafting defensive linemen. In the 2999 NFL draft I fully expect the league’s commissioner (most likely a robot) to step/wheel to the podium and say, “With the 4th pick in the 2999 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select Bubba Stinskon, defensive tackle from LSU.” Then our GM* will talk about how Stinkson is gonna push the pocket and eat up double-teams, and future Chiefs message boards will see use of the word “beast” rise another 10% from the year before. At this point Beast will be one of the only words still used in the Chiefs blogosphere, having taken over and hunted all other words to the brink of extinction over the previous 1,000 years. “Build” put up a good fight for the first few-hundred years, but was eventually betrayed and murdered by its most trusted colleague, “Plan”. Plan went on to sign a non-aggression pact with Beast, but was in its turn betrayed when Beast, in accordance with the tenets of its sacred scriptures, burned Plan’s lands and slaughtered its sheep and goats before smiting Plan’s leaders. Their heads were placed on spikes outside the city as a warning to all potential transgressors.
* Possibly also a robot, though more likely an alien. I doubt robots will be self-aware by then. My calculations have that unfortunate yet inevitable occurrence taking place in the year 3025. Luckily we’ll all be dead by then. Well….most of us.
“But Big Hatt,” you’re undoubtedly saying, “enough with all the hilarious jokes. Let’s get back to the expert analysis and keen insight that make the Chiefs Chat so incredibly revealing and profound.” You’re right. It’s time to get serious.
Seriously, the Chiefs have used 10 top 3 picks on defensive linemen in our last 9 drafts. To call that a disproportionate ratio would be the understatement of the century. We’ve used 40% of our top picks to address roughly 15% of our starting lineup. Still, in all fairness, you can’t judge a strategy until you see its results. Sure, drafting all those DTs seems stupid. Retarded even. But the proof is in the pudding. Our line has been awesome. Well, maybe not awesome, but pretty freakin’ good. And if not good, then at least respectable. Our defensive line has been very respectable. Hell, you could even call them great. Well not “great” exactly, but….shoot, whats the word I’m looking for?
Terrible. Our line has been terrible. In fact, last year we had the worst line in the history of the NFL. We shattered the record for least sacks in a season, and we were just as bad against the run. That is no small feat. Since the league’s inception, no line has been able to do it like we did in ‘08. Even the worst unit has been able to luck its way to 15 or 20 sacks. Not us. We literally redefined bad. And not only that, we did it with all high draft picks! The last time this much money was wasted Visitation was building a new church.
As we all know, most of our defensive line picks have been horrendous busts. I’ve separated them into 3 categories: Vermeil era, Herm era, Pioli era. Even the most devout homers will admit that the Vermeil era DTs were nothing but busts. Eric Downing (2001 3rd rd), Ryan Sims (2002 #6 overall), Eddie Freeman (2002 2nd rd) and Junior Siavii (2004 2nd rd) all failed to make an impact in the NFL (all but Sims are out of the league). Not only that, most of them failed in hilarious fashion. Sims is maybe the biggest bust in Chiefs history, and Siavii is maybe the worst player in Chiefs history. And lord knows we’ve had some laughs at Eric Downing’s expense*. I actually thought Eddie Freeman had potential, but thats beside the point. Seeing as how everyone acknowledges this group is totally without merit, we need spend no further time on them.
*Wasn’t there a joke at one point about Priest Holmes hiring Downing to drive the “Team Priest” van? Am I remembering that right?
The Herm era d-line picks, on the other hand, are definitely still relevant. None have played well (outside of Tamba’s rookie year), yet all are still young and have allegedly shown potential. Whether or not they have actual potential, they have theoretical potential. The book is not yet closed on them. This makes them a much more interesting group to discuss. EPK Construction made the d-line top priority, spending pick after pick there while neglecting virtually every other area of need. The defense, essentially, was left to sink or swim based on EPKs expert draft analysis. Oops. Our D sank faster than the Titanic, and the line was the worst part. Their record-breaking failure was as responsible as anything for all 3 members of EPK getting the axe. The Flab Four had their chance and they couldn’t get it done. Yes, they’re young, but that excuse only goes so far when you’re the worst unit the league has ever seen. We know those guys don’t make up a starting line. They proved that beyond the shadow of a doubt. The question is, what can Scott Pioli and Todd Haley salvage from this group? Is there a good player in the bunch, or are these guys all headed to the D-line BK to join their forefathers?
Predictably, Beast Nation still thinks the Flab Four are awesome. Dorsey and Tank in particular are considered sure-fire studs. Turk McBride, the only member of the Flab Four who showed anything last year, is an afterthought. Hey, even a star can’t shine as bright when its standing next to the sun, am I right?
I thought Turk showed heart last year. He’s obviously not high on skill, but at least he showed improvement from his rookie year. That’s more than we can say for Stank. And it’s not like I wanted to be in Turk’s camp. He started off on the Big Hatt skapegoat Skwad, for crying out loud. The guy won me over. What had me most excited about switching to the 3-4 was that it seemed like a system that fit Turk, but didn’t fit Tank or Dorsey. I thought Turk would make a perfect 3-4 end. Todd Haley, on the other hand, has him working with the linebackers. This is troubling. I understand giving Tamba a look at OLB, but Turk is a totally different player. He’s not a pass-rusher. Honestly, he reminds me of Tyson Jackson, both in size and skill-set. A big, active end who will attack the offensive line and free up the linebackers to make plays. I’d love to see the Chiefs start the season with Turk and Jackson as the ends. Unfortunately, the men upstairs don’t see things like I do. It’s a shame, because Turk will likely fail if we try to make him a linebacker.
Tamba, on the other hand, could maybe make it work. Granted, when Herm and Gun tried to make him line up opposite 320-pound left tackles he totally wilted. I put that on them, not him. Tamba isn’t a premier defensive end, and he doesn’t have the size or strength to play with his hand in the dirt in a 3-4. That said, he definitely has pass-rush skills, which is more than you can say for anyone else on our team. We owe it to ourselves to try to find a spot for the guy. Do I think Tamba has the speed or quickness to make it as an every-down linebacker? Not really. But I don’t see anywhere else we can play him. Give the guy a shot, its not like he’s blocking playing time for anyone else good.
When it comes to Tank and Dorsey, I really have nothing new to say. Stank hasn’t made a good play in 2 full years with the team and the people still love him. I wish Hard Knocks had never happened. Of course we’d still have that name to deal with. How could a guy named Tank not be good, right*?
*It’s gonna be a long year watching that fat piece of shit pretend to be our NT. Teams are going to be able to run all over us. Hey, at least the guy can rush the passer (no career sacks)!
Dorsey…..well….I hate him. I don’t want to, but I feel like he symbolizes everything bad about The Lie Guys, Beast Nation, and society in general. I don’t want to go on too big of a rant here, but that guy got his ass handed to him for 16 games and people, people who watched those games, refuse to believe it. It’s scary in a way. Chiefs fans will just straight-up believe anything they’re told, no matter how badly it contradicts reality. They’ll seize on any excuse to justify Dorsey’s failure. And these excuses are weak, too. Eventually I’m going to do an entire post on Dorsey and what he can teach us about the world at large, but for now let’s just say he sucked last year and move on.
Had you talked to me at the end of the year, I would’ve still given Dorsey a 50/50 chance at success. In hindsight, that seems hopelessly naive. I’m giving him 25% now. Even that may be generous. Scott Pioli and Todd Haley certainly seem to think so.
Haley and Pioli don’t say much, but we can still listen to their actions. And their actions are telling us they have no faith in the Herm era d-line picks. 2 of them have already switched positions. The other 2 are fat losers. Look, when a GM drafts a guy in the top 3 rounds he’s drafting him to be a starter. Scott Pioli used his only 2 money picks on defensive linemen. What does that tell us? That Dorsey is the man in ‘09? Uh, no. Pioli has no faith in the Flab Four. Why should he? He didn’t draft these chumps. He inherited them. If he thought any of them were good do you really think he’d have picked Tyson Jackson in the first round and Alex Magee in the third? No way. The Flab Four are on their way out.
I’m not a believer in Alex Magee, but Scott Pioli clearly is. He drafted him to start. Maybe not this year, but eventually. Pioli and Haley clearly are not Dorsey fans. Haley is asked about him frequently and has yet to say anything encouraging. The writing is on the wall. I still think Dorsey may be traded, but even if he isn’t, I seriously doubt he’ll be a starter for us come 2010. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if none of the Flab Four are starting in 2010. They might not be as bad as the Vermeil era D-line picks, but they’re close. This is a “prove it” year for those guys. They’re not rookies anymore, its time to produce. Are any of them up so the task?
Based on what we’ve seen so far, outlook not so good. I’m willing to bet one of them will step it up, but I’d say most of these guys are gonna be filling out applications at the bust BK. Actually, maybe they should open up their own fast food chain. That BK is getting pretty crowded.
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Great post man, love the nerd jokes mixed with the Chiefs chat. One thing though, Vermeil did draft Jarad Allen in 02 and he’s arguably the best Chief we’ve drafted since T-Gone. You may have been talking exclusively about DT’s though…
Tamba to outside linebacker is the least of our concerns when we’ve got Turk running around out there. I didn’t know he was practicing at outside linebacker, and now i fear 200yrd 2td games by Antonio Gates seem likely. I do expect Derrik Jawhson to pick up his game, based on all the “space occupiers” we have. Is it too much to ask for 10 sacks from Tamba and 8-10 from DJ? probably considering last year. obviously jury is still out on the 09 Chefs.
Insomnia in california, gotta turn to big hats chiefs chat!
I have a feeling that Tank is going to be the Viscera of the Chiefs for years to come. You can always dress him up as something different but in the end, he’s still a huge piece of funny garbage.
solid post!
Beasty beast Beast! Really beasted the beast out of that beast.
Gingdon,
I didn’t mean to give the impression that I was laying any blame on Vermeil for those picks. I actually don’t think he had much say in the draft while he was here. Case in point: when we drafted LJ Vermeil wanted a defensive player. No, the Vermeil era picks were made by Carl Peterson. He deserves the blame.
Also, I didn’t include jared Allen because he was a 4th round pick, and top picks, or “money picks”, are rounds 1-3. Those are the rounds where you’re supposed to get starters. The Jared Allen pick was awesome, but obviously not an indication of any drafting skill. We picked Junior Siavii 2 rounds before him, for crying out loud. Also, we drafted Allen at least in part because of his long-snapping abilities.