Making the grade part 2

The Chiefs signed Mike Brown last tuesday, putting the finishing touch on an offseason in which they basically did 2 things: drafted defensive lineman and brought in old guys named Mike.  I actually like the Brown signing.  He’s still a pretty good player when healthy.  And although I also like Pollard and Page, I’m still not entirely sure they should both be starters.  That combination has been wont to give up the deep ball these past couple years.  I’m not saying Brown will necessarily help with that problem, but bringing in a former pro bowler to provide competition and light a fire is no bad thing.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see Brown start some games for us this year, probably at free safety.  I think Pollard is going to take another step forward and really lock down that SS spot.

Even though it took until mid-June, the Brown signing is right in line with the rest of our free agent acquisitions: old, cheap, character guys who used to be good.  Pretty much the definition of low risk, low reward.  Guys like Zach Thomas and Mike Goff won’t embarrass themselves, but neither will they turn this team around.  It’s tempting to say they’ll bring us closer to respectability, but I remember saying that in 2006 when the Royals brought in Reggie Sanders, Doug Mientkewitz, Mark Grudzielanek and Scott Elarton.  This offseason looks a lot like the football equivalent of that one.  The players in this version are probably better, but the fact remains you can’t realistically expect a few washed up veterans on their last gasp to keep a team afloat, much less carry it.

Don’t get me wrong, I like that Scott Pioli is willing to bring in veterans to fill holes.  The mere fact that its a departure from Herm’s chosen style endears it to me.  However, we have to be realistic when assessing these moves.  You can’t look at what these guys did in the past.  All that matters is what they’re likely to do for us in the present and future.  In the here and now, can we really count on Zach Thomas, Mike Vrabel and Mike Brown to lift this defense out of the depths to which it has sunk?  Probably not.  Can we count on them to be adequate stopgaps until we can recover from the Lie Guys’ disastrous “rebuilding” effort?  That seems more reasonable.

So we got a few veteran stopgaps.  Fine.  The problem is, thats all we did.  Scott Pioli showed no inclination towards markedly improving this team via free agency.  He was given a limitless supply of money (at least we hope he was*) and a team in desperate need of legitimate starters almost everywhere.  Rarely is a GM put in a situation like this one.  All the pieces were in place for a massive roster overhaul.  It seemed only natural Pioli would acquire as much talent and fill as many holes as he possibly could.  There was literally nothing stopping him.  Chiefs fans were set to enjoy an offseason more exciting than any in recent memory, an offseason that would atone for the misery of EPK construction’s recent “draft only” offseason.  For whatever reason, it never happened.

*It’s possible, and maybe even probable, that Clark Hunt is at least partially behind the Chiefs tight purse strings in recent years.  This frugality is no longer an aberration, its a trend.  At what point do we blame ownership for our consistent offseason failings?  Maybe not quite yet, but if we suck again this year and still aren’t willing to get after it next offseason, I’m gonna start pointing the finger at Clunt.

Here we are 6 months later, and all we have to show for hiring “the best personnel man in the game” are a bunch of senior citizens and 2 more rookie d-linemen who don’t sack the quarterback*.  Seems kind of anti-climactic to me.  Apparently this is just how Scott Pioli likes it.  See, he’s not a fan of the big-ticket free agent pickup.  Cool!  I don’t know about you guys, but I’m about done hearing people smugly lecture me about the supposed stupidity of going after upper echelon free agents.  It’s just so fucking stale, and it no longer even addresses reality.  Overspending on big names is bad, I get it.  We all get it.  No one was suggesting a Daniel Snyder style spending spree.  However, we have BY FAR the most cap space in the league (again) and a serious dearth of talent.  Not to mention we’re on the verge of an uncapped year.  Would a flurry of spending, even aggressive, risky spending, really have hurt us?  No, of course not.  It could only have helped.  When you’re this far under the cap and have a team this bad, the rules have got to change a little.

*I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really looking forward to hearing about all the double-teams our various fat losers are taking on this season.  Quick question: who eats up 1,000 blocks faster, Tank or Dorsey?

And this, more than anything, is what troubles me about Scott Pioli’s lack of action in free agency.  He signed a few veterans, brought in some special teamers, and made safe, low risk draft picks.  Basically, he acted like he was still in New England.  That’s a problem for me.  Kansas City isnt New England.  We may hope to be eventually, but for right now we’re a team with no stars, no chemistry, and no idea how to win.  We’re coming off the worst 2 seasons in franchise history and are in danger of becoming a total laughingstock, if indeed we aren’t already.  The way to address this situation isn’t to just do exactly what you did when you were with a championship team.  The strategy has to be specific to our current situation.  So far, it hasn’t been.  Instead of trying to make us into the Patriots, Scott Pioli has been acting like we’re already the Patriots.  It’s almost as if he thinks his mere presence is enough to make us a powerhouse.  That’s a dangerous attitude, one that I think is likely to lead to at least two more seasons of futility.

It may sound like I’m being too hard on Pioli, but what has the guy actually done to inspire confidence since he got here?  If we’d hired him to be head of security at 1 Arrowhead Drive I’d say he was doing a fabulous job, but this is the guy that’s supposed to turn our franchise around.  At first I thought he was up to the task.  Now I’m not so sure.  Pioli clearly isn’t the bold genius he was made out to be.  That’s not to say he can’t be a good GM*, but I seriously doubt he’ll be blazing any trails or discovering any new truths about the ever-evolving NFL.  I guess maybe thats what really bothers me about this whole thing.  What I want, more than anything, is for the Chiefs to finally be ahead of the curve.  For that to happen, we need a GM who sees through bullshit, takes innovative action, and ignores all the outdated cliches and meaningless platitudes that have completely permeated the NFL.  Unfortunately, Scott Pioli is probably not that man.

*I still think there’s a decent chance Pioli will turn this thing around, but its going to take a long time, if it happens at all.  He appears willing to take things slow and play it safe (rebuild!), and every year a new team proves that just isn’t necessary.  Things can change fast in the NFL if you’re willing to step it up and seize the day.  So far, with the possible exception of the Cassel trade, Scott Pioli hasn’t been.

Hey, maybe I’m wrong (I’m not).  Maybe Pioli is an innovator (he’s not).  But at the very least we have to admit his first offseason was far from a slam-dunk.  This team is still chock-full of holes.  Our record will likely improve slightly from last year, but this will be due more to Herm’s departure than anything else.  Scott Pioli was handed a golden opportunity to improve the Chiefs greatly, and in my opinion he didn’t come close to taking full advantage of it.  I know we haven’t actually seen the product on the field, but based on what we know so far I’m giving Pioli’s first offseason with the Chiefs a D.  Hopefully this team shuts my fat, bitter mouth.  Hopefully, but I doubt it.

Hatt.  Back.

PS Sorry for the inactivity of late.  That will change, I promise.  I’ve got 2 new posts in the hopper.  One addresses the Cassel situation, which you might have noticed I didn’t really touch in this post.  The other, well, lets just say it involves an old friend.

Making the grade: part 1

Brian Waters reported to the first mandatory workout.  Thank fucking god.  I was really worried this was going to turn into another Jared Allen situation, accept with far less compensation.  At least trading Allen gave us the flexibility to go BBA (Best Beast Available) at #5.  Once Dorsey hit the field I was like, “Jared who?”.  Trading Waters wouldn’t have landed us nearly as much, and it would’ve turned our offensive line into an instant disaster, much like trading Jared Allen turned our defensive line into an instant disaster.  In my mind it was mandatory that Pioli and Haley make nice with Waters.  Whether or not that happened (I’m guessing not), Waters is here, and he’s saying there is no problem.  While that is most definitely untrue, at least he showed up.  I’ll take that.  Maybe Pioli and Haley’s hard-line stance will actually impose some much-needed discipline on these guys.  God knows Herm didn’t.  Regardless, Waters is here, and it appears he’ll be a Chief in 2009.  That makes me happy.

What I become less happy about, almost on a daily basis, is the performance of perhaps the biggest BEAST* in our entire organization: Scott Pioli.  The more I think about it, the more I dislike Pioli.  I actually started to dislike him on a personal level pretty soon after he arrived, but that feeling was tempered by a belief that he’d be great at his job.  I don’t know where this belief came from, I guess I just bought into the hype.  Pioli could still be a good GM, but its foolish to assume that without actually looking at what he’s done in his first offseason.  So thats what I want to do.  This post will break down Scott Pioli’s first offseason with the Chiefs, placing special emphasis not on his actions themselves, but on his potential motivations for said actions.  I believe assessing his motivations can tell us what kind of man he is and, more importantly, how he is likely to fare in the long run as GM of the Kansas City Chiefs.

*A BEAST doesn’t have to be an actual player.  It can be anyone fans heap undeserved praise on.  Ideally its a d-tackle, sure, but Scott Pioli certainly fits the bill.

It seems only right that we should begin with the facet of talent acquisition that was supposed to be Pioli’s forte: the draft. You already know how underwhelmed I was with our draft, and I’m guessing most of you feel the same. Given the extreme secrecy of the new front office*, we’ll likely never know exactly what went on in that war room. Although Pioli would obviously never admit this, I think its safe to say things didn’t go according to plan. The question is, what went wrong? And, more importantly, what can it tell us about our new GM? There are a few possibilities here:

*Whitlock wrote a great article about this the other day.  Generally speaking I dislike the sports media and their constant whining and sense of entitlement.  However, I think Pioli’s secrecy tactics are lame and deserving of ridicule.

1) The official version- Pioli, Haley, and the rest of our higher ups were so thrilled with the way the chips fell that they didn’t feel the need to aggressively pursue a trade. They got who they wanted when they wanted, and have no regrets. This is the explanation our front office would like us to believe, and maybe they’ve even managed to make themselves believe it. Regardless, it isn’t true. This draft may turn out to be a good one (I doubt it), but we weren’t nearly as aggressive or creative as we should have been. Standing pat and making boring picks was never the plan. Pioli’s “don’t go anywhere” comment is all the proof we need of that.

2) Other GMs don’t respect Pioli and they blackballed him- This is an interesting possibility, and a case can be made for it. After all, Pioli was part of the organization that got caught cheating, and there is no love lost between the rest of the league and Team Belichick.  Pioli claimed “nobody was calling”.  Either that was just a lame excuse for his failure to pull the trigger, or other GMs actually didn’t want to deal with him.  The multitude of other trades, particularly the Sanchez trade, tell us there were definitely deals to be made.  If we take Pioli’s excuse at face value, then there has to be a reason nobody was calling, right?  For the record, I’m not taking it at face value.  I’m just saying the excuse, if accurate, could potentially point to a much bigger problem.  We’ve heard over and over how much respect everyone around the league has for Scott Pioli, but we’ve mainly heard that from the Chiefs.  It seems to me every time any team hires a GM they can find a few quotes from around the league to make him look like a popular, respected figure.  Put it this way: have you ever read an article about a recently hired GM that wasn’t replete with praise and adulation?  If I have to choose between optimistic (but largely baseless) sentiments and actual evidence (the evidence this time being Pioli’s failure to make any draft-day moves), I’ll take the evidence every time.

Do I actually think Pioli was blackballed on draft-day?  No.  Do I think his failure to make any deals casts doubt on his supposedly fantastic reputation?  Absolutely.

3) Scott Pioli is not a risk-taker- This is our huckleberry.  If Pioli had the stones, he could’ve pulled something off.  Acting like there just weren’t trades to be made is absurd, and taking Tyson Jackson with the third pick was settling.  If we wanted Jackson, fine, but lets not pretend we needed to take him third.  I think Pioli got scared and went into a shell.  There’s no other explanation, really.  We had several valuable trading chips (Dorsey, Waters, extra 2nd rounder next year) and a lot of needs to fill.  My guess is Pioli had some negotiations going, couldn’t get exactly what he wanted, and decided in the end not to take the risk.  Instead he went conservative, picked defensive linemen and acted like there were no other options.  This is the draft-day equivalent of calling 3 straight running plays with a small lead late in the 4th quarter instead of risking a passing play to pick up the first down.

I realize it’s irresponsible to read too much into a single draft.  However, its even more irresponsible to completely ignore it.  A wise man (Porto) once told me you should judge a man by his actions.  When it comes to the Chiefs, that isn’t done nearly enough.  The matra “In Pioli we trust” is extremely popular in the Chiefs blogosphere.  But my trust has to be earned, not freely given based on vague notions and blind faith. I ask you, what has Scott Pioli really done to earn our trust?  If we actually judge him by his actions thus far, we see a conservative general manager not willing, or even interested, in taking dynamic action.  Hey, maybe (hopefully) that description isn’t accurate.  But if we look at Pioli’s first draft, that’s the only reasonable conclusion we can draw.

next week: Making the grade part 2, free agency

Does it get any better?

As you know, I’ve been critical at times of Scott Pioli’s first offseason with the Chiefs. I don’t think he’s taken full advantage of his first opportunity to improve this team. The fact that we’re still $12 million under the minimum salary cap level is proof of that. And what’s worse, to me anyway, is that it seems like he is so attached to his plan, his way of doing things, that he may be incapable of the flexibility needed to evolve with today’s NFL. He has basically tried to implement the exact same offseason strategy here that he used in New England. That strategy has been successful, but Pioli has failed to adjust it to our current situation. The Chiefs have more money and less talent than New England ever had. It would seem only natural to spend some of that surplus cash on a couple legit free agents to level the playing field. After that, Pioli could have played it just like he did in NE, knowing that he also did everything in his power to make this team better in the short run. Instead he stuck to his NE routine, left all that extra money on the table, and traded away our best player. Not exactly a recipe for immediate success.

Of course, Pioli has done some good things too. Firing Herm Edwards alone earns his offseason a passing grade. The Cassell trade was a masterful move. And really, even though his actions in the draft and free agency were very boring, we can’t say they were entirely bad. The question is, has Pioli improved our team? Or, more precisely, has he put together a team that has any quantifiable strengths? I’ve been waiting a while to weigh in on this, but since it looks like the talent acquisition phase is just about done, now seems like the right time to evaluate this roster. We’ll start with the offense.

One strength that jumps out right away, and its a good one to have, is quarterback. Whether or not you buy Matt Cassel as a “franchise quarterback”, I think we can all agree he’s likely to make a pretty good starter. Top 5? Probably not, but a top 10 season could be in the cards. At the very least Cassel is likely to be in the top half of the league. I’ll take that.

And even if Cassel doesn’t pan out, or gets injured, Tyler Thigpen is as good a backup as can be hoped for. He’s ideal, actually. A plucky youngster with starting experience and the ability to move the chains is just what the doctor ordered for a number 2 QB. We can also use him in some gimmick formations like the wildcat. It’s always nice to have a few tricks up your sleeve. And although third stringer Brodie Croyle may be a total loser (all the tools!), when last year’s “best” QB is this year’s worst, you know you’ve improved.

So there we have it.  QB is a definite strength.  Unfortunately, I don’t really see any others.  Branden Albert and Dwayne Bowe are good young talents, but they’re surrounded by a bunch of guys who are, at best, question marks.  Matt Cassel is probably going to have a pretty rough go of it in his first year under center, and there are 3 main reasons why:

1) Pass protection- Outside of the aforementioned Albert (who was actually just average statistically last year), this group is far from impressive.  Brian Waters is a pro-bowl caliber player on the left side, but he has yet to show up to an offseason function and may still be traded before the start of the season.  Even if he stays he probably won’t be happy about it.  Mike Goff, the other guard, is known as a good run blocker, but he’s getting a little long in the tooth and at this point in his career we can’t really call him a great pass blocker.  One thing we probably don’t have to worry about with Goff, however, is durability; he started all 16 games for the Chargers the last six years.  Kind of makes me wonder why they let him go.  Hopefully their loss is our gain.

Our guards may be old, but at least they’re good.  Where things get a little dicey is at the center and right tackle position.  In keeping with Scott Pioli’s “plan”, we did nothing to upgrade either of those positions.  Boom Boom’s boi Traffik Kop is back for another year, and Matt Cassel is gonna pay the price (toll?).  McIntosh did get better in the running game as the year wore on, but he simply can’t pass block.  It got pretty ugly watching him and his runnin’ buddy A-Jo (Adrian Jones) direct opposing team’s defensive linemen to the QB last year.  Shades of Chris Terry and John Welbourn in 2007.  Hey, at least A-Jo is gone.  Gone, but not forgotten.

then there’s Rudy Niswanger. He sucks.  There’s really nothing else to say.  He should never have been handed a starting job, and he certainly shouldn’t keep it.  He can’t block and he gets called for penalties.  Meanwhile the guy we let go in favor of Niswanger (Casey Weigmann) was a pro-bowler last year.  Hey, he may have been a pro bowler, but did he fit the power running game?  I rest my case.

I don’t know anything about Eric Ghiaciuc, but people on Bengals message boards seemed pretty happy to see him go.  Matter of fact, a lot of them had some pretty choice parting words.  I place very little stock in that.  If Bengals fans are anything like Beast Nation we should basically disregard what they think.  I’ll be rooting for Ghiaciuc to win the starting job just out of disrespect for Niswanger.  It’s a shame though, I was hoping we’d take a center in the draft.  This draft class was full of great options.  Yet another reason I wasn’t happy with the Alex Magee pick.

Conclusion: With a motivated Waters this has a chance to be a decent unit, albeit one with a couple glaring weaknesses.  Without Waters, things get scary in a hurry.  Matt Cassel could be spending a lot of time on his ass in ‘09.

2) Weapons in the passing game- It’s starting to look like we really shouldn’t have traded Tony Gonzalez.  At the time we all assumed it was part of some much grander scheme (Scott Pioli said as much), but it turns out it was just a move thats going to make it much harder for Matt Cassel to succeed.  Tony would’ve been a great security blanket for an inexperienced QB looking to build confidence.  Who can play that role now?  Dwayne Bowe?  Not if he’s double-teamed every play.

I actually think Bowe will have a massive year.  He’s gonna have to, because we got nobody else for Matt Cassel to throw to.  I like Mark Bradley, but I liked him a lot better when he was our third option.  This guy has by no means proven he can be a productive player over the course of an entire season.  Maybe he can, but durability and work ethic issues have plagued him in the past, so this is a question mark.  Maybe that should be his nickname, The Question Mark.  Eh?

Pioli did bring in Bobby Engram, but after trading T-Gon and not bringing in anyone else even that is starting to seem like a slap in the face.  Something Teicher can mention in his boring articles* that doesn’t actually mean anything.  What can we really expect from Engram?  He’s a 36-year-old possession receiver, for crying out loud.  Even having him as our third receiver is a stretch at this point.  But thats what he has to be, because we don’t have anybody else worth a shit.  Jeff Webb?  Are you kidding me?

*I don’t even bother reading Teicher anymore.  I used to respect the shit out of him, but his articles are pretty much useless at this point.  Why bother with him when you can go to Arrowheadpride and get literally 50 times the info, complete with actual analysis instead of just bare-bones facts reporting, on a single page?  Teicher is a prime example of the continued obsolescence of sportswriters.

One player I actually am interested to watch is Brad Cottam.  Yeah, Cottam is our starting tight end now.  Is he a long-term answer, or Rudy Niswanger in tight end form?  Who knows.  He is an impressive physical specimen, so I suppose thats something.  But we can’t honestly expect this guy to be a weapon in the passing game.  In his entire college career he only caught 21 passes for 341 yards.  Those numbers are jaw-dropping, but not in the way you’d like them to be.  Cottam was a project pick, and my guess is he isn’t ready to be a starter yet.  Maybe he never will be.  We’re gonna find out, because guess what: we have no other options!

Conclusion: This is an uninspiring group of targets for Matt Cassel in his first year.  I’m a big believer in Dwayne Bowe, but outside of him all we have are question marks.  Actually, even that is generous.  We have two question marks (one of them being The Question Mark), a 36-year-old backup, and a bunch of junk.  The pressure is on Dwayne Bowe.  Let’s hope he gets rid of those dropsies.

3) Running game- Or, more accurately, lack thereof.  LJ is still our starter?  What?  Cutting his sorry ass seemed like a no-brainer.  The guy hasn’t been good since in three years and he’s a whiny bitch.  I guess our higher-ups figured he’s still better than Jamaal “playmaker who doesn’t actually make plays” Charles*.  These two combine to form the lamest thunder-and-lightning combo since Bam Morris and Rashaan Shehee.  You all know I’m not big on the running game anyway, but I just assumed Pioli and Haley would make some kind of adjustment to this part of our team.  Looks like I assumed wrong.  I don’t have a lot more to say about this, but our running backs are mediocre at best (including Mike Cox, sorry Piano Man).  If we want to move the chains it’s gonna have to be the passing game that does it.  That just adds more pressure to an already overburdened Matt Cassel.

*He’s just like Reggie Bush, except way, way worse!

I hate to say it, but all this adds up to a tough first season for Matt Cassel.  Whitlock wrote an interesting article on this situation a couple days back.  Among other things, he postulates that Cassel and his agent may have drastically upped their asking price when they saw just how little Scott Pioli was willing to do to improve this offense.  Whitlock’s theory is that there is no long-term deal on the way, and we essentially traded our second round pick for one year of Cassel with a ridiculous $14 million price tag.  I’m not willing to go that far, but it does make sense that Cassel and his agent would be leery of commiting to a team that didn’t even try to put the necessary pieces in place to help him succeed.  How would you feel if you were Matt Cassel and you had to watch your new team trade away your best weapon, bow out of free agency, and spend all its top draft picks on defensive linemen?  Would that be a team you’d want to spend the next 7 years with?  It’s like Cassel got engaged to a woman he hardly knew because he was friends with her dad, only to watch her gain 50 pounds, quit her job, and tell him she has syphillis.  Whitlock says he’s getting cold feet about Cassel, but I think the reality of the situation is that Cassel is getting cold feet about us.

“Typically……develop….progression….push the pocket….doesn’t show up in statistics….3rd down pass rush specialist.”

The 21st century may only be 9 years old, but its already born witness to a lot of change in my life.  Since the year 2000, my religion has changed (Catholic to none), my political party has changed (republican to none), my car has changed (Ford Explorer to none), my health insurance has changed (some to none), my level of self-respect has changed (very little to none), even my soft drink affiliation has changed (Coke to none….I mean Pepsi).  One thing that hasn’t changed, however, is my football team’s drafting.  The Chiefs started the new millenium drafting defensive lineman, and by god, they’ll finish the new millenium drafting defensive linemen.  In the 2999 NFL draft I fully expect the league’s commissioner (most likely a robot) to step/wheel to the podium and say, “With the 4th pick in the 2999 NFL draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select Bubba Stinskon, defensive tackle from LSU.”  Then our GM* will talk about how Stinkson is gonna push the pocket and eat up double-teams, and future Chiefs message boards will see use of the word “beast” rise another 10% from the year before.  At  this point Beast will be one of the only words still used in the Chiefs blogosphere, having taken over and hunted all other words to the brink of extinction over the previous 1,000 years.  “Build” put up a good fight for the first few-hundred years, but was eventually betrayed and murdered by its most trusted colleague, “Plan”.  Plan went on to sign a non-aggression pact with Beast, but was in its turn betrayed when Beast, in accordance with the tenets of its sacred scriptures, burned Plan’s lands and slaughtered its sheep and goats before smiting Plan’s leaders.  Their heads were placed on spikes outside the city as a warning to all potential transgressors.

* Possibly also a robot, though more likely an alien.  I doubt robots will be self-aware by then.  My calculations have that unfortunate yet inevitable occurrence taking place in the year 3025.  Luckily we’ll all be dead by then.  Well….most of us.

“But Big Hatt,” you’re undoubtedly saying, “enough with all the hilarious jokes.  Let’s get back to the expert analysis and keen insight that make the Chiefs Chat so incredibly revealing and profound.”  You’re right.  It’s time to get serious.

Seriously, the Chiefs have used 10 top 3 picks on defensive linemen in our last 9 drafts.  To call that a disproportionate ratio would be the understatement of the century.  We’ve used 40% of our top picks to address roughly 15% of our starting lineup.  Still, in all fairness, you can’t judge a strategy until you see its results.  Sure, drafting all those DTs seems stupid.  Retarded even.  But the proof is in the pudding.  Our line has been awesome.  Well, maybe not awesome, but pretty freakin’ good.  And if not good, then at least respectable.  Our defensive line has been very respectable.  Hell, you could even call them great.  Well not “great” exactly, but….shoot, whats the word I’m looking for?

Terrible.  Our line has been terrible.  In fact, last year we had the worst line in the history of the NFL.  We shattered the record for least sacks in a season, and we were just as bad against the run.  That is no small feat.  Since the league’s inception, no line has been able to do it like we did in ‘08.  Even the worst unit has been able to luck its way to 15 or 20 sacks.  Not us.  We literally redefined bad.  And not only that, we did it with all high draft picks!  The last time this much money was wasted Visitation was building a new church.

As we all know, most of our defensive line picks have been horrendous busts.  I’ve separated them into 3 categories: Vermeil era, Herm era, Pioli era.  Even the most devout homers will admit that the Vermeil era DTs were nothing but busts.  Eric Downing (2001 3rd rd), Ryan Sims (2002 #6 overall), Eddie Freeman (2002 2nd rd) and Junior Siavii (2004 2nd rd) all failed to make an impact in the NFL (all but Sims are out of the league).  Not only that, most of them failed in hilarious fashion.  Sims is maybe the biggest bust in Chiefs history, and Siavii is maybe the worst player in Chiefs history.  And lord knows we’ve had some laughs at Eric Downing’s expense*.  I actually thought Eddie Freeman had potential, but thats beside the point.  Seeing as how everyone acknowledges this group is totally without merit, we need spend no further time on them.

*Wasn’t there a joke at one point about Priest Holmes hiring Downing to drive the “Team Priest” van?  Am I remembering that right?

The Herm era d-line picks, on the other hand, are definitely still relevant.  None have played well (outside of Tamba’s rookie year), yet all are still young and have allegedly shown potential.  Whether or not they have actual potential, they have theoretical potential.  The book is not yet closed on them.  This makes them a much more interesting group to discuss.  EPK Construction made the d-line top priority, spending pick after pick there while neglecting virtually every other area of need.  The defense, essentially, was left to sink or swim based on EPKs expert draft analysis.  Oops.  Our D sank faster than the Titanic, and the line was the worst part.  Their record-breaking failure was as responsible as anything for all 3 members of EPK getting the axe.  The Flab Four had their chance and they couldn’t get it done.  Yes, they’re young, but that excuse only goes so far when you’re the worst unit the league has ever seen.  We know those guys don’t make up a starting line.  They proved that beyond the shadow of a doubt.  The question is, what can Scott Pioli and Todd Haley salvage from this group?  Is there a good player in the bunch, or are these guys all headed to the D-line BK to join their forefathers?

Predictably, Beast Nation still thinks the Flab Four are awesome.  Dorsey and Tank in particular are considered sure-fire studs.  Turk McBride, the only member of the Flab Four who showed anything last year, is an afterthought.  Hey, even a star can’t shine as bright when its standing next to the sun, am I right?

I thought Turk showed heart last year.  He’s obviously not high on skill, but at least he showed improvement from his rookie year.  That’s more than we can say for Stank.  And it’s not like I wanted to be in Turk’s camp.  He started off on the Big Hatt skapegoat Skwad, for crying out loud.  The guy won me over.  What had me most excited about switching to the 3-4 was that it seemed like a system that fit Turk, but didn’t fit Tank or Dorsey.  I thought Turk would make a perfect 3-4 end.  Todd Haley, on the other hand, has him working with the linebackers.  This is troubling.  I understand giving Tamba a look at OLB, but Turk is a totally different player.  He’s not a pass-rusher.  Honestly, he reminds me of Tyson Jackson, both in size and skill-set.  A big, active end who will attack the offensive line and free up the linebackers to make plays.  I’d love to see the Chiefs start the season with Turk and Jackson as the ends.  Unfortunately, the men upstairs don’t see things like I do.  It’s a shame, because Turk will likely fail if we try to make him a linebacker.

Tamba, on the other hand, could maybe make it work.  Granted, when Herm and Gun tried to make him line up opposite 320-pound left tackles he totally wilted.  I put that on them, not him.  Tamba isn’t a premier defensive end, and he doesn’t have the size or strength to play with his hand in the dirt in a 3-4.  That said, he definitely has pass-rush skills, which is more than you can say for anyone else on our team.  We owe it to ourselves to try to find a spot for the guy.  Do I think Tamba has the speed or quickness to make it as an every-down linebacker?  Not really.  But I don’t see anywhere else we can play him.  Give the guy a shot, its not like he’s blocking playing time for anyone else good.

When it comes to Tank and Dorsey, I really have nothing new to say. Stank hasn’t made a good play in 2 full years with the team and the people still love him. I wish Hard Knocks had never happened. Of course we’d still have that name to deal with. How could a guy named Tank not be good, right*?

*It’s gonna be a long year watching that fat piece of shit pretend to be our NT. Teams are going to be able to run all over us. Hey, at least the guy can rush the passer (no career sacks)!

Dorsey…..well….I hate him. I don’t want to, but I feel like he symbolizes everything bad about The Lie Guys, Beast Nation, and society in general. I don’t want to go on too big of a rant here, but that guy got his ass handed to him for 16 games and people, people who watched those games, refuse to believe it. It’s scary in a way. Chiefs fans will just straight-up believe anything they’re told, no matter how badly it contradicts reality. They’ll seize on any excuse to justify Dorsey’s failure. And these excuses are weak, too. Eventually I’m going to do an entire post on Dorsey and what he can teach us about the world at large, but for now let’s just say he sucked last year and move on.

Had you talked to me at the end of the year, I would’ve still given Dorsey a 50/50 chance at success. In hindsight, that seems hopelessly naive. I’m giving him 25% now. Even that may be generous. Scott Pioli and Todd Haley certainly seem to think so.

Haley and Pioli don’t say much, but we can still listen to their actions. And their actions are telling us they have no faith in the Herm era d-line picks. 2 of them have already switched positions. The other 2 are fat losers. Look, when a GM drafts a guy in the top 3 rounds he’s drafting him to be a starter. Scott Pioli used his only 2 money picks on defensive linemen. What does that tell us? That Dorsey is the man in ‘09? Uh, no. Pioli has no faith in the Flab Four. Why should he? He didn’t draft these chumps. He inherited them. If he thought any of them were good do you really think he’d have picked Tyson Jackson in the first round and Alex Magee in the third? No way. The Flab Four are on their way out.

I’m not a believer in Alex Magee, but Scott Pioli clearly is. He drafted him to start. Maybe not this year, but eventually. Pioli and Haley clearly are not Dorsey fans. Haley is asked about him frequently and has yet to say anything encouraging. The writing is on the wall. I still think Dorsey may be traded, but even if he isn’t, I seriously doubt he’ll be a starter for us come 2010. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if none of the Flab Four are starting in 2010. They might not be as bad as the Vermeil era D-line picks, but they’re close. This is a “prove it” year for those guys. They’re not rookies anymore, its time to produce. Are any of them up so the task?

Based on what we’ve seen so far, outlook not so good. I’m willing to bet one of them will step it up, but I’d say most of these guys are gonna be filling out applications at the bust BK. Actually, maybe they should open up their own fast food chain. That BK is getting pretty crowded.

I have no knowledge of the contract extension to which you are referring. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go look over some documents and attend to other such business. This interview is at an end. Good day.

Remember an hour before the draft when the story broke that Matt Cassel had signed a 6 year deal with the Chiefs?  It didn’t seem like big news to me at the time.  Ever since we traded for him it was a foregone conclusion that we’d sign him to an extension, or else why even make the trade?  To pay a guy $14 million for one year of service?  Uh, no.  It was obvious from the start we’d be inking Cassel to a new deal.  I figured it would be big but not huge, and the details would hardly matter anyway seeing as how we have more cap room than we’ll ever use.

In other words, I was focused on the draft and Cassel’s inevitable contract extension wasn’t top priority.  But then a funny thing happened: Scott Pioli denied any knowledge of said contract extension.  I believe “that’s news to me” was the quote.  That raised my eyebrows a bit.  I mean why deny something so obviously true, right?  What’s to be gained?

Since Pioli’s “news to me” quote, all parties (including Cassel) have denied that a new deal is in place, or that one is even being negotiated.  I’m gonna go ahead and call bullshit on all of them.  Michael Lombardo, who originally broke the story, says his source is reliable and that a deal worth $36 million in guaranteed money has been agreed upon.  Scott Pioli says this isn’t true.  Lombardo also broke the story about the Falcons and Chiefs being involved in trade talks for Tony Gonzalez.  Pioli denied that as well, and we all saw how that turned out.  There is a precedent here.  If Lombardo says one thing and Pioli says another, believe Lombardo.  He was even the first to call the Chiefs’ first round pick of Tyson Jackson.  He clearly has a good source inside Arrowhead.  And since the Tony G trade already proved Pioli is willing to lie to maintain his precious secrecy, we should be able to read between the lines here.  Cassel’s deal is done.

The question, again, is why would Pioli play dumb about Cassel’s contract now?  What could his motivation possibly be?  We all know those Patriots love their secrecy, but this is taking it to the extreme.  Things like your playbook, your draft plans, your week-to-week game-planning, you want to keep those under wraps.  I get that.  I don’t blame Pioli or Haley for keeping our defensive scheme a secret, for instance.  Only recently did they even admit we’ll be running a 3-4*.  Unnecessary as delaying that announcement may have seemed to us, you could make the argument that letting other teams know what defense you’re running could give them a hint as to your draft and free agency plans.  In my opinion this is a flimsy argument, but it is an argument, as in it exists, so I’m willing to give the new front office the benefit of the doubt on that one.  Where, I ask you, is the potential benefit to keeping this Cassel deal a secret?  Can we think of any reason, plausible or implausible, for doing this?  If not, then its just secrecy for secrecy’s sake, and I think that’s wack.

*The exact configuration of the defense is still unclear, but we’re going to be starting 3 linemen and 4 linebackers, so I’ll call that a 3-4.  Beast Nation got a hold of the term “4-3 under” a while back and have been waxing poetic about it ever since.  The 4-3 under is essentially a hybrid defense similar to what Clancy Pendergast ran in Arizona.  We may run it, we may not, but for simplicity’s sake I think it’s going to be a lot easier if we just refer to our defense as a 3-4.  That’s where we all know we’re headed.  This “4-3 under” business is a classic example of what happens when Beast Nation learns some new jargon and wants to sound smart.  Now we’ve got a whole blogosphere out there talking about the merits and deficiencies of a system they know nothing about.

Maybe I’m still too irritible from having to suffer through The Lie Guys’ tenure, but I really don’t like being lied to.  When you catch someone lying to you, its difficult to look them in the face again.  Pioli straight-up lied to us about the Falcons and Gonzalez*.  And now he’s lying to us again about the Cassel contract.  That may not have anything to do with his job performance per se, but I’d like for our GM to at least have a reason for being dishonest.  If he proves lying is just standard practice with or without just cause, then I’m going to have a hard time respecting him.  I know his job isn’t to be truthful, but neither is it to always keep his own fans at arm’s length.

*It was actually arguably a double-lie, because after the trade was made he said it was going to make us better in the long run and right away, then indicated that future 2nd would be used as trade-bait this year.  Obviously, that didn’t happen.  So the argument that we’re going to be better this year as a result of that trade is absurd.  Because as far as this year is concerned, the trade was Tony G for nothing.  It’s possible the trade will be better for us in the long run, but literally impossible it helps us right now, unless you assert that removing the greatest tight end in the history of the game is good for our team.  That would require logic even Herm Edwards would find ridiculous.

I probably spend too much time harping on front office duplicity, but it really boils my blood.  I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot here.  If, after being dishonest, a GM would simply say, “OK, I know this action of mine totally contradicts what I said before, but there was a reason for that, and here it is….”, then I’d be totally fine with it, even if I didn’t necessarily agree with the reason.  Instead Scott Pioli can say, “We are not talking to the Atlanta Falcons”, then turn around and make a trade proving he was talking to the Atlanta Falcons, and……thats the end of it.  Never discussed again.  Is it wrong to expect some kind of explanation?  Or at least for someone with press credentials to ask for an explanation?  Fuck football, I’m talking about basic human decency here.  Who tells a lie knowing it will eventually be exposed, watches as said lie is exposed, and then just acts like it never happened?  I mean credibility is totally shot at that point, right?  Am I the only one who cares about this stuff?  I feel like I’m going crazy here.

The bottom line is that we’re only a few months into the Pioli era and he has already proven that we shouldn’t believe a word he says.  Maybe I’m being naive, but I think that sucks.  I want the men who run my football team to be worthy of my respect.  And, once again, I’m not really even talking about football.  I’m talking about human behavior.  When there is a legit strategic reason for dishonesty, I’m obviously cool with it.  But when a GM starts to lie for no reason, I get a little worried.  Scott Pioli officially has me worried.

And that’s where its at, with Big Hatt

PS I actually still think Pioli will end up being pretty good at his job.  And, realistically, I’m expecting too much if I want a GM who’s going to be completely honest with me.  Guys who admit mistakes and subject themselves to full accountability for their actions probably don’t survive long in an NFL front office.  Guys with huge egos and malleable moral codes, on the other hand, shoot right to the top!  I guess maybe its that, more than anything, that I’m complaining about.

PPS Just so there is no confusion, allow me to further clarify exactly what kind of honesty I want from my fearless leader.  We’ll use this draft as an example.  I don’t want Scott Pioli to give any clues of his plans before the draft.  He shouldn’t drop hints, he shouldn’t tip his hand, he should use smokescreens if he deems them necessary.  That’s all part of the game.  However, I do want him to be honest when questioned after the draft is over.  Don’t give us nonsense about how “nobody was calling” and “we’re thrilled with the guys we got.” And don’t sidestep a question about potential trades by pointing to a trade you almost made to get a guy at the end of the third round (who we got anyway in the 4th round!  HURRAY!!!).  Admit you tried to make some moves, none of them worked out, but you feel like you got some pretty good players.  That seems reasonable, right?

I feel very sorry for Lions fans

I was reading some quotes from Gunther today about how awesome his defense is going to be, and I experienced two simultaneous feelings.

1) Intense dislike of Gunther Cunningham.

and

2) Intense pity for the people of Detroit.

The first one wasn’t all that surprising.  Gunther sucks.  I’ll get to that later.  It was the second feeling that was, for me, somewhat of an aberration.  I’ve never really felt genuine pity for an opposing city’s sports fans.  You see, I’m a contentious individual, quick to anger (although I like to think I’m quick to laughter as well).  I’m more likely to feel rivalry with another city than camaraderie.  There’s never been room in my brain for altruistic feelings for another town’s sports fans.  Why give them the gift of my pity* when they’ve undoubtedly tasted more success than I?  After watching countless hacks** run my franchises, I couldn’t care less for what other fans are subjected to.  It’s been hard being a Kansas City sports fan.  I don’t have to tell you guys this.  You’ve lived it.

*I’ve got to side with my boi George Costanze here.  Pity is very underrated.

**Herk Robinson, Allard Baird, Carl Peterson, Tony Muser, Gunther Cunningham, Buddy Bell, Herm Edwards, and Trey Hillman.  Talk about a murderers row.  It would take that group a month to finish a game of Trivial Pursuit.  In the end I think Carl would win by cheating.

With Lions fans, things are different.  I genuinely feel bad for them.  They had to endure 8 years of Matt Millen’s historic ineptitude.  The one good thing about bad records is high draft picks, and Millen screwed those up year after year.  We don’t need to re-hash his many failures, but suffice it to say that Matt Millen is the easy answer for worst GM in the history of the NFL.  And Lions fans didn’t just sit there and take it, they were proactive.  Remember a few years ago when you’d hear “Fire Millen” chants at every Detroit home sporting event?  Hockey, baseball, basketball, college, pro, whatever.  I’d be watching a Pistons playoff game and the fans would be doing the “Fire Millen” chant during timeouts.  It was hilarious.  Then there was that game against the Bengals where everyone wore orange to the game in protest of Millen’s contract extension.  Another great move.

The point is that after watching The Lie Guys for 3 years, I now feel Detroit’s pain.  Those fans deserved better.  And now, after waiting what must’ve seemed like an eternity for a new day to dawn, they’ve been stuck with more of the same.  Martin Mayhew and Jim Schwartz are not gonna get it done.  Mayhew has no front office experience and Schwartz is a “football guy”*.  His first moves were to bring in Gunther Cunningham and Scott Linehan, for christ’s sake.  And now Gunther is over there flapping his gums about how, when he watches game-film, he mistakes some guy named Jordan Dizon for Julian Peterson.  First of all, Dizon is 6 inches shorter than Peterson.  Secondly, he isn’t good.  The guy had 28 tackles last year. Peterson is a perennial pro-bowler.

*Like how Trey Hillman and Buddy Bell are “baseball guys”

We’ve seen this before.  It’s a classic Gunther move.  Somebody stinks, he makes an over-the-top statement about how great they are.  He’s even talking about unleashing Dijon as a pass-rusher.  Sound familiar?  The guy hasn’t even bothered to change up his lies.  It’s pathetic.  Lions fans are going to be hearing bullshit like this for years.

It took a long time for Gunther to go from endearing to offensive.  I, like basically everyone in KC, held on to the past for far too long.  We all gave Gunther a free pass despite years of idiocy and failure.  Looking back, Gunther was probably never actually a good coordinator.  If the past 10 years have taught us anything, its that any success the Chiefs enjoyed in the 90s was due to Marty Shottenheimer.  As soon as he left, both Carl Peterson and Gunther cunningham were exposed as frauds.  And now Detroit, a city whose football fans have seen nothing but frauds, is getting another heaping helping.  If there are any fans deserving of my pity, its them.

EPK, we hardly knew ye

I’ve been told you’re always supposed to lead with a laugh. I’ve got two.

Laugh 1

Laugh 2

Here’s a snipppet from laugh one:

“Im going to say it now if Dorsey stays healthy, dosent get traded and in the 4-3 under Doresy will have 57 tackles and 8 sacks, because of Tyson Jackson and Dorsey will be more comfortable playin the game!

So Pioli DONT TRADE DORSEY he is on his way to being the next BIG THING!“

Laugh two is something I’ve been anticipating for a while now. The Chiefs, finally, have fired Bill Kuharich. Kuharich, the Chiefs vice president and alleged draft specialist, presided over 3 mediocre drafts and the selection of every member of The Flab Four. He’s the last member of EPK contruction to get the axe, and I’m happy to see him go. Kuharich was just as big of a chump as the rest of the idiots we had running this franchise the last 3 years. He made the now famous, “Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d get Glenn Dorsey at #5″ quote. He also worked side by side with Herm Edwards in player evaluation for all 3 years of Herm’s tenure here. According to, well, them, they made beautiful music together. They were sold to us as a draft dream team, but when all their amazing picks actually stepped on the field (or didn’t, in the case of many of them), that dream quickly turned into a nightmare. Sayonara Kuharich, you will not be missed.

All right, we’ve had our fun. As promised, I will now spin a few yarns about the Chiefs late-round picks. I don’t have a lot to say, seeing as how a week ago I didn’t know who these guys were.

Ohio State CB Donald Washington (4th round pick)- First of all, I hate Ohio State (doesn’t everyone?). Second, Washington wasn’t even a starter at Ohio State. And third, I could’ve sworn secondary was the one area where we didn’t need a lot of help. I guess I shouldn’t nitpick a 4th round pick. At that point you really should just go BPA. But was Washhington really the best available? I find that hard to believe. When asked if he ever got close to making a trade, Scott Pioli said he thought about trading back into the third round to get Washington. Luckily, he fell to us in the 4th! Isn’t that exciting? Say it with me now: WASH-ING-TON! WASH-ING-TON! WASH-ING-TON!

Missouri OT Colin Brown (5th round pick)- I’m never against taking offensive linemen, but what can you really say about a guy picked in the 5th round? I’m sure Beast Nation will have plenty to say actually. This guy could be the next Barry Richardson! Brown is 6′8″, so I guess that ssomething. Pioli said he projects as a right tackle. Oklahoma stud guard Duke Robinson was available with this pick. That would’ve been an absolute steal. Robinson was projected as a first round pick a month ago.

McNeese State WR Quinten Lawrence (6th round pick)- We drafted Lawrence in large part to be a kick returner. I like this move, seeing as how recently cut 2008 6th round pick Kevin Robinson was mediocre to bad in that role. Kick returner is a position that can be filled late in the draft, so maybe Lawrence can get it done. Supposedly he’s got a slight frame and no bump-and-run experience, so I wouldn’t expect him to get much PT at WR. Regardless, if Lawrence can do anything in the return game I’ll call this a good pick.

Tennessee State RB Javarris Williams (7th round pick)- I’m always a fan of picking a running back on day two. In this day and age, there really is no reason to pick a running back with a first-day pick. So using a 7th round pick on a RB was fine by ol’ Hatt. Williams is a bigger back, which normally I’m not a huge fan of, but maybe the Chiefs want him for short yardage situations. Meaning, if we have someone who can get the tough yards maybe it makes LJ expendable. I want LJ out of here, and if Williams helps bring that about then he’ll have won a friend in me. Tall order for a 7th round pick, but with running backs you never know. This guy could have talent. It’s also possible the Chiefs plan on using Williams as a fullback.

Miami of Ohio TE Jake O’Connell (7th round pick)- TRADE ALERT! TRADE ALERT! The Chiefs traded next year’s 7th round pick for an extra 7th rounder this year to get O’Connell. In other words, this guy was a MUST-HAVE. I know nothing about Jake O’Connell, and I have nothing to say about him. I doubt he makes the team. I figured there would be a draft-day trade, but I had no idea it would be this boring.

South Carolina K Ryan Succop (Mr. Irrelevant)- Obviously we all like Barth (right?), but using a late-round pick on a kicker is smart in my opinion. If you pick another position in the 7th round, you’re not getting a top prospect at that position. A 7th round pick will, however, land you one of the top kickers. I know nothing about Succop per se, but value-wise drafting a kicker late is a good move.

What did we learn?

Now that I’ve had a couple days to stew and rant to whoever would listen, I think I’m off the ledge. Our first-round pick, while not ideal, wasn’t a Glenn Dorsey-style blind throw at a dartboard. Scott Pioli has a very specific plan, and I’m reasonably confident Tyson Jackson will help see that plan to fruition. That doesn’t mean I’m happy.

My problem isn’t with Tyson Jackson. I’m sure he’ll be a good player, and the Chiefs believe they need him to fill a role vital to their new 3-4 defense. Fine. But we could’ve had Jackson 10 picks later, maybe more. Pioli says nobody was calling, but he spent the last week talking about bold trades and decisive action. Surely the plan wasn’t to just sit by the phone and wait for someone to call. What is he, the fat chick on prom night? Why wasn’t he the one making calls? The mad scientist/trade guru image looks laughable in hindsight.

Apparently, Pioli just isn’t a risk-taker. That’s not necessarily a terrible thing, but what he was saying certainly contradicts what he actually did. If he really was a bold genius, there were moves to be made. I still think the best play would’ve been to draft Mark Sanchez and wait for the offers to come rolling in. The Jets were obviously dying to get him. They would’ve given us whatever we wanted. We certainly could’ve gotten at least what they gave Cleveland. Then we could’ve used their first round pick to draft Jackson and picked up a bonus second rounder, maybe more. Worst-case scenario we hang on to Sanchez for a year. We all saw what happened last year with the Browns and Brady Quinn. There was talk of teams giving up 2 first rounders for Quinn before he’d ever even stepped onto the field. Eventually we would’ve been able to reap a rich bounty had we drafted Sanchez. Instead we got a run-stuffer.

Actually, we got 2 run-stuffers. We used our third round pick on Purdue DT Alex Magee. I’m not gonna lie, this pick pissed me off. Lord knows we’ve seen enough picks wasted on defensive linemen the last few years. Check this out:

“To make it in the pros, Magee needs to add a lot more power to his frame. Otherwise, when he misses a beat off the snap he can be pushed around. Will sometimes allow blockers into his chest. Gets completely immobilized by double teams. Inconsistent effort and will go long stretches without making an impact.”

Oops. That could’ve sounded better. Obviously, I’m not high on Magee. But his selection is interesting for what it tells us. Apparently, our new decision-makers have deemed that EPK construction’s previous glut of defensive line picks are a bunch of junk. Hardly surprising. If they thought the Flab Four (Dorsey, Turk, Tank and Hali) were even average they would’ve used at least 1 of their first 2 picks to address one of our many other needs. I always said the most exciting part of having a new coach and GM was getting a fresh set of eyes on all Herm’s “young talent”. Well, those eyes are here, and they’re seeing exactly what we’ve always seen. Hali and Turk are working with the linebackers and Dorsey needs to get into better shape if he even wants to “contribute” (Haley’s words). The verdict is in: EPK construction’s biggest project was a massive failure. I’m hoping drafting Jackson and Magee was an indicator of an intention to trade Glenn Dorsey, but its much more likely just an indication that he sucks.

I’ll say this: Kone Dawg was right about Pioli’s draft strategy. If he believes these are his guys, then he was right to pick them. He can’t let the previous clowns’ ineptitude prevent him from picking who he wants. But oh boy were these picks telling. It seems Pioli and Haley’s opinions of EPK’s drafting are exactly the same as ours. I guess thats something.

Tune in tomorrow night for my recap of our late-round picks. It’s actually a little more positive than this one.

Also, in an unrelated note, check out Whitlock’s thoughts on Herm’s draft-day commentary. Pretty hilarious. I spent the entire weekend wanting to punch Herm in the face, but I think the mental anguish inflicted by a few of Frey’s fake punches would do more damage than any actual punch of mine ever could.

Schwing!

Wow! I mean seriously, wow! What a day! That Scott Pioli wasn’t lying about having some tricks up his sleeve. He said not to blink, and he was right! If your blink lasted 20 hours you’d miss our next pick. That guy don’t play!

Seriously, this was a very disappointing day. I’m trying not to overreact, but it looks like Scott Pioli was the recipient of a custom-fit clown suit courtesy of the rest of the NFL. He all but promised action, and he didn’t deliver. We made 1 pick and it was a serious reach. Tyson Jackson at #3? Seriously? I’ve got nothing against Jackson, but no way is that guy a #3 overall pick. I’d have been fine with him 10 picks later, but at #3 you gotta get a playmaker. Tyson Jackson isn’t that (4 sacks last year).

Why didn’t we just take Mark Sanchez? It was obvious teams wanted him. Even if they wouldn’t trade up to #3 to get him, they would’ve been forced to make us an offer if we actually drafted him. Sure there would’ve been some risk involved, but isn’t Scott Pioli supposed to be a bold trading genius? He sure didn’t look it today. He looked like a conservative, scared, first-time GM. Meanwhile teams like Cleveland and New England (surprise!) were making deals all day long. Cleveland’s Sanchez deal particularly made Pioli look out of his league. And Bill Belichick made all kinds of great deals while his protege sat there with his thumb up his ass. Not a good sign.

I really want to give Pioli the benefit of the doubt, but this fucking sucks. And its not even about Tyson Jackson. Its about attitude. I had my fill of unfounded, inexplicable arrogance from the last regime. If we get more of the same from these guys, they’ll have a serious enemy in Big Hatt. Believe you me, I’m gonna be all ears at Pioli’s post-draft press conference tomorrow. If he talks about how great they did and how happy they are, I’m going to be livid. If he admits he couldn’t get done exactly what he wanted, he’ll have earned my respect. It’s as simple as that. I’ve had enough of lies and bullshit grandstanding. I’d like to see decisive action backed up by accountability. Since the former is apparently too much to ask, I’ll settle for the latter. I’m not asking for much here.

Random draft thoughts:

1) I can’t believe my boi Rey fell that far. I’d heap praise on the Bungles for finally drafting him, but they used the #6 pick on Andre Smith. Swing-and-a-miss!

2) The Ravens have had a great draft thus far. No surprises there. Oher in the late first and Kruger in the late second? That’s 2 Big Hatt “do’s”, both later than they should’ve gone. The Ravens get my top score from day 1. I love Michael Oher and will be rooting for him. Call me a Mary, but I thought the emotion he showed after he finally got drafted was touching.

3) The Raiders, I mean Jesus Christ. Somebody needs to kill Al Davis already. Drafting a player because he has the best 40 time? Even Carl Peterson didn’t do that. How do the Raiders even have fans any more?

4) Currently taking suggestions for nicknames for the Dorsey/Jackson defensive end combo. I guess we only take LSU players in the first round now. We might as well go ahead and use our 3rd rounder on Ricky Jean-Francois so we can have a whole line full of LSU losers. Me and The Mask had a laugh-filled phone conversation about an hour ago where he was talking about how badass it is that our entire starting line (Tank, Dorsey, Jackson) are run-stuffers. We were really havin’ a laugh.

5) Kone-Dawg sent me a text earlier saying that if we managed to trade Dorset for a first rounder he, Sweetums and Katz were going to hold hands and jump off their balcony. I offered to pay their medical bills. Unfortunately, nobody wanted Dorsey. In an interview today Suzy Kolber asked Haley about Dorsey and he said something like, “we’re hoping he’ll be in better shape this year and can get stronger”. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Had any team wanted Dorsey, we would’ve traded him. Aparently the rest of the NFL got their hands on that pesky game film from 2008. Nuts.

OK, I’m sick of this. I’m going out to ruin some hangs with my sour attitude. More thoughts tomorrow.

Big Hatt’s 2009 NFL Draft do’s and do not do’s!

All right fellas (and grandma), we’re getting close. The draft is 24 hours away. I’ve been waiting for this since, well, last year’s draft I suppose. That’s the one benefit of being ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN you’re going to be terrible: high draft picks!

I forced myself to watch a lot of college football last year to in order to familiarize myself with all the top prospects. Obviously I’m no Mel Kiper, but I have seen most of the best guys play at least once. People say this is a weak draft class. I wholeheartedly disagree. I think the middle of the first round is chock full of future pro-bowlers. In fact, I think picks 10-20 are likely to yield a better return than picks 1-10. One of the many reasons its imperative that we trade down. Another is that there is a lot of talent in the second round, and we should do our damnedest to acquire at least one pick there.

OK, enough foreplay. Let’s get to it. Ladies and germs, I give you, Big Hatt’s 2009 draft do’s and do not do’s. Enjoy.

Do’s:

USC inside linebacker Rey Maualuga- I believe I’ve been quite clear about my love for Maualuga. He’s by far my favorite player in this year’s draft. I watched as many USC games as I could just to watch him play, and I was impressed every time. The guy plays with a reckless abandon that can’t be coached. Come to think of it, the way he plays reminds me a lot of Troy Polamalu. We need a guy like that. His low wonderlic score is troubling, but if we’re going to play a 3-4 we don’t need Maualuga to call the plays. The other inside linebacker can do that, leaving Rey free to instill some much needed attitude into our defense.

Ole Miss left tackle Michael Oher- In my humble opinion, Oher is the best offensive lineman in the draft. 3 months ago he was projected as the first offensive tackle off the board, but has since been passed by Baylor’s Jason Smith and Virginia’s Eugene Monroe. I have no idea why. The fact that Oher can now be had 5-10 picks later means he’s the best value pick if we’re looking to upgrade at left tackle and move Branden Albert to the right side. Additionally, Oher scored very high on the wonderlic. Since intelligence and offensive line are the only two items on Katz’s draft checklist, Oher would be a dream come true for him.

Floride State defensive end/linebacker Everette Brown- Brown is the best pass rusher in this draft class. Even more impressive than is 13.5 sacks last year was his 21.5 tackles for loss. Basically, Brown was making a big play twice a game. We could use some of that. Furthermore, he can likely be had in the middle of the first round. That’s a great value.

Missouri wide receiver Jeremy Maclin- Call me a homer if you will, but I think Maclin is going to be a star. I watched him for 2 years, and the kid is straight-up electric. He’s a danger to score every time he touches the ball. Boom Boom dropped a Ted Ginn comparison on me yesterday, but trust me, Maclin is no Ginn. He will be a great receiver. And, Ginn reference aside, he will also be a great kick returner, something we currently lack. Maclin would inject life into our special teams that we haven’t had since Dante Hall (or Eddie Drummond). What’s more important than that, by far, is that we traded Tony G and Cassel needs another receiving threat. Maclin could be that guy.

Cal center Alex Mack- People say you shouldn’t pick a center in the first round, but I think thats hogwash. The end of the first round is the perfect time to grab an elite center. And make no mistake, Mack is elite. I watched him straight-up handle USC DT Fili Moala, who is projected to be a first-day draft pick. If we take Mack, our center position is set for the next 10 years. With more and more teams switching to the 3-4, we’ll need a big, strong center to handle the elite nose tackles. Center is about to become a position of increased importance in the NFL. I’d like to see the Chiefs be ahead of the curve on figuring something like that out for once.

Oregon center/guard Max Unger- If we can’t get Mack, Unger would be a nice consolation prize. He’s not quite as good, but can likely be had in the second round. If we acquire an early second rounder, Unger would be a great way to use it. He can play center or guard, and would excel in a zone blocking scheme, which we’ll be using if we stick to a spread-like offense.

Virginia outside linebacker Clint Sintim- Sintim is the best pass rusher available in the second round. While he didn’t have the outlandish tackles for loss totals of Everette Brown, he did average a sack per game his senior year. Also, he played linebacker in a 3-4 system in college, so he won’t have to learn a new position like Brown or Brian Orakpo. This could make for an easier transition to the NFL. I doubt Brown or Orakpo were ever asked to drop back into pass coverage in college, which is something a 3-4 outside linebacker will occasionally be asked to do.

Utah defensive end Paul Kruger- I know mormons are creepy, but Kruger reminds me of Jared Allen. Furthermore, he’s perfectly suited to play end in a 3-4. Given that Tamba Hali is going to be used exclusively as a pass-rusher and Glenn Dorsey may be traded (please god), we’ve obviously got a hole at defensive end. I’d rather see us take Kruger than use our first rounder on an end who might not be any better (like LSU’s Tyson Jackson).

Missouri tight end Chase Coffman- I know, another Missouri player. But does anyone doubt Coffman is going to be a stud? If you do, you shouldn’t. Coffman has the best hands I’ve ever seen and he’s a hard worker. He might not be the best blocker, but I honestly don’t care. We’re going to be passing much more than running this year. Cassel needs weapons, and Coffman is going to be a good one. I see him as the next Dallas Clark, only with a potentially higher ceiling. If Coffman is available with our third round pick, we’d be fools not to take him. I think he’d even make a great second round pick.

Stillman nose tackle Sammie Lee Hill- Hill is an interesting sleeper prospect. Obviously Stillman is no football powerhouse, but we shouldn’t let that scare us off. Tank Tyler is likely to fail as our NT. Given the importance of that position, we should have an insurance policy. Hill may have played against inferior competition, but his stats improved every year and by the time he was a senior he was a dominant force. He may wilt against top competition, or he may be a diamond in the rough waiting for a team ballsy enough to take a chance. Granted this would be somewhat of a project pick, but I’d be pretty excited if we drafted Hill. He’d be an intriguing player to watch.

Do not do’s:

Alabama left tackle Andre Smith- This right here is a sure-fire bust. I wouldn’t touch him with a 3rd round pick. Smith had a chance to be a top 5 pick and he just straight-up blew it. To say he has character issues would be the understatement of the century. The guy showed up to the combine fatter than shit, admitted he wasn’t working out, and put up terrible numbers. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, he disappeared without completing the process. Just walked out. What a moron. The icing on the retard cake is that he had a chance to redeem himself at the Alabama pro day and he blew that too. I will be havin’ a laugh at whoever picks Smith, no matter where they pick him.

Wake Forest linebacker Aaron Curry- Curry could be a great player, and I’m not a believer in the theory that linebackers shouldn’t be drafted top 5. I think Curry will probably make some team (Cleveland) very happy. I do have concerns about him playing in an inferior football conference and essentially being a combine guy, but even those issues aren’t why I have him listed in the “do not do’s”. No, the reason I don’t want him is simple: Herm said we should take him. If that idiot likes Curry, then I don’t like him.  Thas it and thas all. And even though Herm does work for ESPN, it made my blood boil to hear him commenting on what the Chiefs should do. You’re done Herm, stay the fuck away from my team. As for Curry, he’s just collateral damage.

Virginia left tackle Eugene Monroe- If Monroe were available at pick 15, I’d say go for it. But #3 seems like a bit of a reach. I don’t see Monroe being any better than Branden Albert. And I definitely don’t see him being as good as Michael Oher. Monroe will be solid, but there are better options that we could pick later. Not a good value.

Boston College defensive tackle B.J. Raji- For obvious reasons, I don’t want to see us use another top pick on a defensive tackle. It might be irrational, but I guess I’m just gun-shy on that. Plus Raji has some character issues and essentially skyrocketed up draft boards based on an awesome senior bowl performance. I like the senior bowl, but any meteoric rise a month or two before the draft makes me nervous. After all, that is exactly what happened with Ryan Sims.

Texas defensive end/linebacker Brian Orakpo- People I trust have warned me against Orakpo, and I’ve got my own concerns as well. For one thing, huge triceps and great combine numbers do not a pro bowler make. Just ask Vernon Gholston about that. Orakpo reminds me a lot of Gholston actually. I think he’s going to have similar problems making the switch from defensive end to outside linebacker. Everette Brown is the superior player and can be had 5-10 picks later. Let some other team whiff on Orakpo, I think he’s a bust in the making.

K-State quarterback Josh Freeman- I’ve seen Freeman play many times, and I’ve never been impressed. He should’ve stayed in college. It might be moot to include him on this list because the Chiefs aren’t going to draft him, but I’m basically positive he’s going to be a bust of epic proportions. Quarterbacks like that (underclassmen, wink) never succeed in the NFL. Freeman is no exception.

Oklahoma State tight end Brandon Pettigrew- The fact that Pettigrew is ranked above Chase Coffman is a joke.  Pettigrew ain’t shit.  Actually, he is shit.  Specifically, a piece of shit.  Pettigrew is the next Vernon “Click-Clack” Davis.  Not that it matters, I seriously doubt we’re ever going to see Scott Pioli use a first round pick on a tight end.

Boston College nose tackle Ron Brace- Yes, defensive tackle is a position of need for us. And no, I still don’t want us taking Brace. For one thing, his youtube highlights are pathetic. And as many of you know, my number 1 draft rule is to stay away from the guys who played next to studs. They almost always end up being a mirage, as the Chiefs have proven many times before. Brace played next to B.J. Raji. In other words, no thank you please.

USC linebacker Clay Matthews- USC has 3 linebackers projected to be first day picks. You know at least 1 of them was just riding the others’ coattails. I’m betting that’s Clay Matthews. I watched a bunch of USC games and didn’t even realize Matthews was an NFL prospect. Brian Cushing and Maualuga, however, definitely stood out. Matthews will likely fall to the second round, and even then I don’t think it would be worth the price.

Missouri safety William Moore- I included Moore on this list to prove I’m not a total homer.  I love my Tigers, but I just don’t think Willy Mo is the real deal.  He has serious coverage issues.  I watched him get picked apart by Todd Reesing in the border war game at Arrowhead (dude, me and the Antlers kicked like 10 Jayhawks’ asses after that game).  The last thing we need is another safety who gives up the deep ball.  That’s one position we’ve got covered.

OK, there it is.  10 “do’s” and 10 “do not do’s”.  There are a few guys we may end up drafting that I’m on the fence about.  Scott Pioli apparently loves LSU defensive end Tyson Jackson.  If I had to make a prediction I’d say we’ll probably draft him.  Oddly enough, I didn’t watch any LSU games last year.  This is probably due, on some level, to disgust at the school for producing Glenngarry Glen Dorsey.  Anyway, Jackson isn’t a big-play guy and would probably be a reach at #3.  But if we trade down?  I don’t know, we do need a defensive end.  Like I said, I’m on the fence.

Another guy I’m not sure about is Michael Crabtree.  He seems like a pretty good candidate to be the next loudmouth, flamboyant receiver.  That’s not something I particularly want, especially since part of me thinks receivers are trying way too hard to play that role these days.  Like its expected of them or something.  I don’t see Pioli wanting a guy like that, but Todd Haley could make a push for his new Larry Fitzgerald.  And Crabtree definitely has crazy talent.  I guess I’d rather us pick someone else, but I could get behind Crabtree pretty easily if we did pick him.

Conclusion: What it comes down to is that we need to get an offensive lineman, a pass-catcher, and someone for the front 7 in the first 3 rounds.  Obviously, thats going to require a trade back to pick up an extra pick.  I honestly think Pioli is going to make that happen.  My ideal draft would see us land Rey Maualuga with our first pick, Alex Mack with our second, and Chase Coffman with our third.  Thats pretty ambitious, but a man can dream, can’t he?  For 3 years every dream I’ve had has turned into a nightmare, so it’d be nice for at least some of this one to come true.  Regardless, I can’t wait.  This is like Christmas Eve, baby.  Tomorrow we unwrap some presents.

Come on by the chat if you get a chance.  I’ll be posting comments throughout and will hopefully do a new post after round 2 comes to a close.